January 23, 1997
SONG OF A SUCCESSFUL SECRETARY
Yes, I have a system that's all my own.
And it can't be explained and it can't be shown.
I file by number, I file by letter,
I file by ways that are ten times better.
I file by subject, I file by date,
I file by city, I file by state.
I shun the trite, and scorn conventions,
My filing system has four dimensions.
I regard "In re" at the top of a letter
As something to make it balance better,
I pay no attention to underlining
And seldom get down to the person signing.
I've got the names of the firm's officials
Neatly arranged by their middle initials;
Customers' letters I've filed instead
By the color and size of their letterhead.
I've got our catalogue mailing list
Filed under 'Farley'-- you get the gist?
Our financial reports, for my own good reasons,
Instead of by months, I've arranged by seasons.
I've put Mrs. Duffy's damage suit
In a folder entitled "Big Dispute."
I'm the indispensable employee,
They can't take a step without me,
And it costs them a raise and half-day free
Every time they attempt to flout me.
So they can't fire me, no matter how cross,
No matter how mean and riling!
I'm Garbo herself-- I'm the boss's boss,
For I take care of the filing.
Elizabeth Ann Christman, Song of A Successful Secretary Saturday Evening Post, 1939 reprinted in Gladys Torson, The Art of Being a Successful Business Girl (New York: New Home Library, 1940)